perspective when i need it most

picture this: it's 10 pm on a tuesday and a frazzled, tired out momma is trying to get her kids to quiet down already and go to sleep. this momma had spent all day with clients, some whom took extra patience to get along with and she is ready for some down time. her husband is still at work and she could definitely use his help. this momma's children have also had a long day and are started to spin out of control. big mess here. jumping all over the beds there. to make matters worse there are grandparents that are trying to get to sleep right below where all the madness is taking place. the momma runs from room to room telling each child to STAY ON THE BED AND BE QUIET, only to turn around and see the other child flipping the lights on and off and jumping up and down like popcorn. of course they are both laughing in fits of hysterics because they see that momma is about to loose it. and she almost does. she isn't sure if she should cry, yell, or slap them silly. she doesn't want to do something she will regret so she calls her husband. he tells her just to get out of the house and take a drive. the momma does this.

while driving the momma gets some space to think and the kids have quieted down. she apologizes for the way she behaved but stresses that the way they were behaving wasn't cool either. her son tells her this (although it's not word for word, the momma took some liberty with her son's words.)

i am so, so, so, so sorry for being disrespectful. i feel so bad. i was just feeling so mad, mom. do you know when the mad started? it started when i made the big mess. that is when my mad woke up. most of the time my mad is asleep, but when it wakes up it takes over my whole body. my mad is connected to my heart and when the mad gets to my heart, it can tell my mad to go back asleep. it says, "mad go to sleep!" then i feel happy again. you know who told me all about that? it was my imaginary friend.

and just like that my mad goes to sleep.

magical trees

Xavier: Next year I am going to ask Santa to bring me a field of snowy trees.

watch how he amazes

firsts

a week of firsts has been full indeed.
busy, yet very content feeling.
right feeling.
one would even say happy feeling.

xavi started school this week and i am a proud mama. he has been loving the responsibility of something that is just for him. he has gotten certified to use the phone and the vacuum so far and in the world of a five year old this is a big deal.
another big deal, your own lunchbox.

i started my new job and after a week of meetings, w2's, alarm clocks, drug tests, work clothes, orientations, clients, and note taking, i am still super psyched about this new sense of purpose i have. yes, i am a little tired, but not really. i like having a packed day of helping women in my community build better lives for themselves and then i get to come home to my adorable children and love them to pieces.
so, i guess what i am trying to say is,
i heart my new job.

and a post of firsts should not forget to include that happy ol' inauguration day. my eyes were so leaky all day long. someone on the radio would only have to quietly mention the word hope and i was driving down the freeway bawling.
but the good kind.

NEVER FORGET...

when xavi snuggled on your lap with the blanket up to his chin and right before he fell asleep he turned and kissed your arm and whispered,
your the best mom ever.

xavier doll

um, is there anything cuter than this?
no, there is not.
xavier doll has been played with non-stop, all day.
who needs expensive star wars toys when your mama can make you your very own doll to love?
he even got treated this morning to a delicious breakfast.
at the table.

:: yellow snow ::

xavier: aubrey, is snow a healthy food?

aubrey: well, it's not really a food, it's just frozen water.

xavier: oh, so you mean it's edible.


it cracked me up that my barely five year old used the word edible in the right context within a sentence. chris chalks up some of xavi's wide vocabulary to hanging out with trev who amazes us with his very advanced and varied word usage.

five

my beautiful boy is five today.
five years ago today i was holding my water baby unable to sleep, afraid i would miss a second of his content, musical sighs.
being five is absolutely magic.
happiest birthday wishes to you.

love,
aubrey

working the camera

the following pictures you are about to see were all taken by the little man, self portraits included. you gotta give him some major credit, the kid has some skills with the camera. the last one is my favorite. i can't stop saying, wow! that's super cool!

if you've got it, spend it

during lunch i was reading my favorite local alternative paper and came across this gem of a quote,

..God is perhaps not overwhelmingly impressed that we managed to pick up our dry cleaning, if we haven't returned in kind the gift we were given to live out.
No wonder an antique word for money is "talent." It's a clue that we are supposed to spend it, spend it all, here and now.

i have been chewing on this since, and it just solidified my need to create, create, create. i am wanting all things arty-photography, fiber arts, writing, beading, collaging, painting. i have been dreaming up how i could set up shop on etsy, maybe selling at the farmer's market this summer. i have a talent and i have been called upon to use it. i'll own this. it can be mine. if not, i would be turning my back on a very integral piece of me.

last night i attended a book binding class with friends and i so enjoyed myself. i have been scheming up ideas on how i could run with this new skill. so fun to learn something new, especially with friends.

when xavier saw the book i made this morning he immediately went to work on a book of his own. my mama pride just swelled watching him pour all of his attention and creativity into his book, and it turned out soooo cute. he was pretty proud of himself as well.

also, yay! my in-laws are making a spontaneous trip out to see us this weekend and i couldn't be more pleased. i may get a modified version of the girly weekend i've been craving after all.

laughing in my awake

the little son loves family togetherness. all of us embraced in a four-way hug laughing and tickling until we all fall down into a big heap of happiness. he loves when we all sit down together for a "beautiful dinner." lately he likes the idea of all of us trying to fall asleep on the king bed. the operative word being try. he insists on snuggling with soleil, which usually get her all crazy-like riled and they end up wriggling around the center of the bed like a pile of super-charged acrobat worms. over, under, sideways, through. chris and i lay on the edges amazed that it's this late and the kids are still this full of energy.
you wanna hear a joke, he asks.
okay, i say.
why did the elephant step on the quarter?
why? i ask
BECAUSE HE WAS FARTING!!!!!

the punchline always gets delivered a few octanes higher and a few decibels louder than the rest of the joke. his jokes are inventive and thought up on the spot, but what gets me laughing is how funny he thinks his jokes are. his laughter is never forced, always smooth.
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there has been a sad song in my soul for the past few days, giving me a heavy heart and causing me to cry whenever i get the chance to be alone. i want to chalk it up to hormones but am thinking it is a signal for me to shake something up. i have been dreaming of some weekend retreat where i could spend some serious time with myself and try to decode the sadness. i need to have enough time away to miss my kids and spouse. i miss having the chance to miss them.

it's not all violins and cry me a river. there is always goodness to be found. always a light at the end of the tunnel.
and so i continue forward.

what'd you say?

I don't think there is any thing funnier than hearing your child try to sound out what the heck word is KFC.

At first I was wondering what all that cursin' in the back seat was for.

yellow

I love, love, love this picture and wanted to share the love.

Happy falling leaves days to all.

four : part two

What a perfect Birthday Weekend. Birthday's past have been a little stressed. Too much focus on the party, the food, the guests, and in the midst of the madness I wondered, where is Xavier?

He would be off by himself not enjoying the party, the food, or the guests.

So, this year was different. We all needed something low-key, Chris and I needed something low-cost. Just being together was all that mattered. It truly was a wonderful weekend.

Our friends came over on Saturday for dinner and the big hit of the evening was Dirt Cake!! It took the boys a little convincing that they were not actually eating real mud and dirt. Once they got over that, man did they dig in!

Posing with his Remote Control Dinosaur.

Thanks Grandma Jan and Grandpa Alan!

Birthday Altar. A tradition.

Soleil with her pup, DEE,DEE!

We went to the Aviary with Grandma Melanie and Grandpa John.

The best part.....opening presents.



Swingin' Soleil

Bug Vacuum was a favorite gift.

Up close and personal with the peacock.


Welcome to four Xavier! WE LOVE YOU!

four

hope all your birthday wishes come true..............

his heart of gold

This afternoon while I was nursing baby, Chris and Xavier were down in the basement. Chris was painting, Xavi was playing with his cash register. He walked up to Chris,
Dad, I paid money for our house to the cash register. Now we can stay in the house and Mom won't need to be sad anymore.

Who needs to be worried about a house when I have children who love me?
That's what matters.
Thank you Xavier. I love you endlessly.