four : part two

What a perfect Birthday Weekend. Birthday's past have been a little stressed. Too much focus on the party, the food, the guests, and in the midst of the madness I wondered, where is Xavier?

He would be off by himself not enjoying the party, the food, or the guests.

So, this year was different. We all needed something low-key, Chris and I needed something low-cost. Just being together was all that mattered. It truly was a wonderful weekend.

Our friends came over on Saturday for dinner and the big hit of the evening was Dirt Cake!! It took the boys a little convincing that they were not actually eating real mud and dirt. Once they got over that, man did they dig in!

Posing with his Remote Control Dinosaur.

Thanks Grandma Jan and Grandpa Alan!

Birthday Altar. A tradition.

Soleil with her pup, DEE,DEE!

We went to the Aviary with Grandma Melanie and Grandpa John.

The best part.....opening presents.



Swingin' Soleil

Bug Vacuum was a favorite gift.

Up close and personal with the peacock.


Welcome to four Xavier! WE LOVE YOU!

four

hope all your birthday wishes come true..............

delights

Apples + ............

Pie = ........................

Two thumbs way up.

start the RU revolution

My dear friend Steph recently wrote this post right HERE, that I am demanding you to read. It truly is a must read.
Really, go read it.
Now.
Hurry, scoot.

But come back, okay??

run, run as fast as you can..........

..........you can't catch me cause I'm Xavi the Kite Man!

I can't describe what a wondrous feeling it was to watch Xavier chasing the kite. During our trip to San Fran we were on our way to the beach, got lost, and somehow made it to a pier overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge. It wasn't the beach, but beautiful nonetheless. Watching the fog roll in and gently sweep up over the bridge is a sight that I wouldn't mind seeing daily. We as a family love the bay area (it's Xavier's second time there) and while driving through Fisherman's Wharf and watching the crowded sidewalks full of an eclectic mix of people, seeing the huge ships going in and out of the pier, and hearing the music, voices, and fog horns float through the open window, Xavi got caught up in the excitement and yelled, "San Fransisco is so cool!"
We Hooligans all agree.

While at the pier there was an open, grassy area where a few people were flying kites. One man in particular had 12 kites all strung together and he was twirling and swirling them through the air. It was mesmerizing to watch. Xavi instantly made a bee-line for the kites and began chasing the kite tails up and down the park. The man flying the kites was very interactive with everyone in the park and would swoop the kites right around your head and then let the kite float to the ground a few feet away. Xavi would make a run for it to try to catch the tails and as soon as he was right there the kites would sail up again. Wild giggling would follow and, zoom, Xavi was off again.
He could have stayed all day.
I could have stayed all day watching his joy.
Good thing I will always have the picture in my memory of my son running crazy free, careless to anything but chasing the kite with the ocean breeze kissing his face.

Grandpa Bob & Andrea's Wedding

We went to San Fransisco over Labor Day to attend Grandpa Bob and now Grandma Andrea's wedding. We had a fabulous time meeting family we had never met and catching up with family we hadn't seen in awhile. Xavi and Soleil thoroughly enjoyed the company of their 7 cousins whether bouncing in the bounce house or splashing on the Spiderman pool. (cool wedding, huh?)
We were happy to be a part of their special day and were honored to witness their love for each other.
Congratulations!!

Xavier has been a shutterbug lately. He took A LOT of pictures.

Xavi took these pictures of the happy couple.

We love you!!

lonely

I loved reading this. Maybe you will too.

The gal is singing my song.

leap of faith

You have to take risks, or your not living.

Words given to me by a man that we met with today about our house. I was talking about regrets with a tinge of anger and he sent me back these words. Words that hit me hard and have been swimming around in my brain all day. I've been getting a lot of those fog lifting words lately and I am really liking it. I like to soak up the wisdom, change my perception, understand what makes me tick.

We took a risk, we didn't succeed. The consequences of our taking said risk hurts, a lot. And I am finding it ever so important to give myself the time to feel pissed off and angry. Time to mourn my losses. Time to lick my wounds. Time to want nothing but to lay in my bed all day and sob while giving the middle finger at the world.
To just put on a happy face, get my chin up, and look at the bright side feels false and fake. It's not fair to try to pretend this doesn't absolutely suck, because it does. And right now, I am not feeling ok. I am lonely, exhausted, completely uncomfortable, and homeless.
I won't be throwing a pity party forever though. I will see the "bright side" in my own time, it will just take some time.
Phrases uttered by unsuspecting people are helping to break this bad attitude that I have going. Phrases that ring around in my head, over and over, like in the movies. This helps.
What was I talking about?
Oh, yeah. Risk.
I was not so successfully trying to make my point that I will someday in the future, dust myself off and get back in the game. I am not the type of personality to sit on my hands and play it safe from here on out. I will take my knowledge from this failed attempt and apply that to my next one. You see, I would rather jump out there, let it all hang out and live then sit back and be too afraid of failing. I'll take that leap of faith and if that doesn't work, brush myself off again, tend to my wounds, and leap again.

I am bagging the idea that failing at anything is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs. I am proud of my mistakes, and even prouder that it will not stop me from making many more.

I choose to live a colorful, beautiful life. A life full of love, family, home, adventure, learning, and yes, risk.

finding comfort

I am in a foreign state of being right now. A place in my consciousness that I haven't made it to till now. It is causing me to seek familiar, comfortable people and objects.

The chiseled features of my husband's face.
The soft, delicate curls on my babies' heads.
A long, warm bath.
A piping cup of tea.
My very well worn, incredibly soft t-shirts.
The beauty and light of the moon.
Quiet.

My world feels like a tornado, but I do find some tranquility in clutching on to these beloved things with all my might. It gives me a sense of peace.
It gives me the truth that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
It's not always gonna feel this bad, this raw.
I will always be able to find comfort.

to the birthday boy

Happy, happy birthday to you. Or in the words of Xavier,

56!! Wow! That sure is a lot of growing! You're gonna be a giant!

Hope your day is filled with reflection, happiness, magic, delicious cake, and of course, love.

doin' the doggy paddle

Just trying to keep my head above water over here. I have so many thoughts swimming around in my head, I can't digest them enough to form complete thoughts. I have only fragments.

I will write more soon. Wanted you all to know I am still here.