Monday, February 23, 2009


driving down the freeway this morning when the sun was barely peeking out from the behind the mountain. headlights zooming past, hot chai in a mug nearby, listening to NPR on the radio.
this would seem like a nice picture on the outside, but zoom in and see a heart that is feeling too raw, with a tinge of ache.

i hear a story on morning edition about kids from mumbai, india getting the chance to stand on the stage at the oscars in the spotlight while their families huddled around old television sets in their huts back home cheering their loved ones on. hearing this makes me cry, and i'm not sure why.

budget cuts for substance abuse programs, elderly couple in the restaurant trying earnestly to navigate their walkers, a young women in chains at the courthouse losing her child forever, my husband handing out money to homeless vets on the street corner......

snapshots of my day that cause me to wonder, why are we so cold to one another?

i have been trying to teach my son whom sometimes uses violence as a means to express his anger that when we hurt others we are also hurting ourselves. that we are all one.

a lesson the whole world needs to learn.

i want to tear down the walls that encase our hearts that have been built under the false notion that the walls are there to protect them, but the truth is they only leave us without the ability to care.
to really love.

i know that the only way to lead this movement is by example, so i will start with my heart wall one brick at a time.
won't you join me?
then we can be sensitive together.

Friday, February 20, 2009


six years of marriage + a weekend away in zions =

one happy girl.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

perspective when i need it most

picture this: it's 10 pm on a tuesday and a frazzled, tired out momma is trying to get her kids to quiet down already and go to sleep. this momma had spent all day with clients, some whom took extra patience to get along with and she is ready for some down time. her husband is still at work and she could definitely use his help. this momma's children have also had a long day and are started to spin out of control. big mess here. jumping all over the beds there. to make matters worse there are grandparents that are trying to get to sleep right below where all the madness is taking place. the momma runs from room to room telling each child to STAY ON THE BED AND BE QUIET, only to turn around and see the other child flipping the lights on and off and jumping up and down like popcorn. of course they are both laughing in fits of hysterics because they see that momma is about to loose it. and she almost does. she isn't sure if she should cry, yell, or slap them silly. she doesn't want to do something she will regret so she calls her husband. he tells her just to get out of the house and take a drive. the momma does this.

while driving the momma gets some space to think and the kids have quieted down. she apologizes for the way she behaved but stresses that the way they were behaving wasn't cool either. her son tells her this (although it's not word for word, the momma took some liberty with her son's words.)

i am so, so, so, so sorry for being disrespectful. i feel so bad. i was just feeling so mad, mom. do you know when the mad started? it started when i made the big mess. that is when my mad woke up. most of the time my mad is asleep, but when it wakes up it takes over my whole body. my mad is connected to my heart and when the mad gets to my heart, it can tell my mad to go back asleep. it says, "mad go to sleep!" then i feel happy again. you know who told me all about that? it was my imaginary friend.

and just like that my mad goes to sleep.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

full and satisfied

is it seriously only 15 minutes until friday?
and what am doing up in the first place?

although the days are starting to race by at light speed, and i don't have much time left in my day for all that i wish, i am still loving this new pace.
i am holding on and enjoying the ride. loving the wind through my hair.

today i was told how well suited i was for social work and i am starting to think that i agree. i am truly in love with my job.
i am now considering school to get my bachelors so i could actually run with whatever i choose.
a lot on my plate, no?

Monday, February 2, 2009

on my mind

special words:

personal responsibility
opening my hear