drip, drip

Yoga has become a lifeline for me. I had never before practiced yoga in any serious form aside from an occasional class or watching a yoga video, but a few weeks ago I couldn't ignore the pull inside my heart to get my butt to a yoga class. Of course, because the universe is gracious, there was a magnificent studio blocks from my home with an affordable unlimited month pass. And it came to pass that I attended my first "real" yoga class, and I was hooked.

I loved how my muscles ached from being stretched again after such a long hiatus, how my abs felt a dull, but happy burn, how cleansing it felt to sweat from the effort of a good workout. Most of all, though, I loved the peace.

The peace in my mind and my heart was something my mind and heart had been waiting a long, long time for. Very patiently, I might add, but once they had felt the peace that was possible in an hour of yoga, it wanted more. Now.

I couldn't get enough. As soon as my feet hit the pavement of the parking lot after class they wanted to turn right back around. My family, especially Chris, was so patient that first week of my discovering yoga, allowing me to go at every opportunity. Chris would say, I love how calm and centered you are when you come home. That made me so happy. I was thrilled that this peace I was obtaining through yoga was spilling out into the rest of my life. Because I was happy, my family, too, were able to find their own joy a little easier. Life suddenly felt more calm and I found that things that had pushed my buttons before didn't trigger a reaction quite so easily. I didn't loose my cool (very often) with the kids, I didn't react badly when I got poor news, I felt healthy and strong, it was much easier to see my beautiful life and give gratitude for it. I was by no means perfect, (although perfection has never been a goal of mine, where's the challenge in that?) but I was finding it easier to find my joy.

I also felt like I was finding out who I am deep down inside this soul of mine. I started listening to this Aubrey that I have kept locked up for, well, forever. I am finding out what she loves to do and what makes her happy, and I am really trying to make those loves a reality. In the past few weeks I have done things that I either haven't done in a decade, or have never done, but always wanted to. Like, go on a real date, attend a play and a modern dance performance, as well as go to a dance class. Now my dreams, or the person that I spend so much time fantasizing about being don't seem so far away. Actually, they aren't anywhere out there. They are inside me. I just need to stop daydreaming and start doing.

I have found My Path.

My whole life I have been stumbling around in the dark trying to find a path that fit me and felt like I have come home. I have come close before, but have always allowed for distractions and stop signs. Usually, because I worried what others may think and how they would react to my finding my way. I have tried on others' paths because, hey, it works for them, it must work for me too, right? But I have found that paths are not one size fits all. Because someone was able to find God (or whatever is right by you) by following steps A, B, C does not mean that I follow the same steps and I find God too. We all are unique, doesn't it make sense that our paths will be unique too?

We human beings tend to feel threatened though by the idea of everyone having their own unique path. We instead like to have the one size fits all mentality and have a hard time when someone bucks the trend. Why is this? Is it because there is safety in numbers? Or is it just simply easier to follow a well worn path, no matter where it leads, instead of blazing our own? Please know, I ask these questions with a sincere heart, and am hoping they are not taken as me being patronizing. I suppose I am just imaging what our world would be like if we were asking these questions and giving truthful answers. I am imagining how many wars that could be erased and how many hearts that could be healed. I am thinking of the happiness that could be felt round the world if everyone was given the permission and encouragement to find the path that is most aligned with their hearts no matter how different it looks from ours.

So, I am really digging this peace in my heart. Right now what I am feeling is just a faint drip, drip out of the faucet of joy. I get dizzy with delight at the possibility of learning how to turn it up to a continual, everlasting flow.