peacemaker

The first words out of her mouth this morning are, "Daddy. Daddy, Where? Work?"

"Yes, my sweets. He's at work."

I sigh a big one. It will be a long day.

It's 9:10 pm, the kids are in their PJ's watching Dora on the computer. Settling into the idea of sleep. Soleil's nursing. We hear the door open. There is relief in the air.
Finally, Daddy's home.

The past few months it's been more often then not that the kids (and I) don't see him until moments before they go to bed. If at all. 6 days a week. It's wearing on us all.

"I will be late tomorrow too. I am writing up a contract. What's that face for? What's the matter?"

The dam bursts open and I let it all hang out. He's the first person I have talked to face to face all day. I am exhausted. Really exhausted. I'm panicking about all that I haven't done today. I'm sick of picking up the same mess over and over. I'm hungry from not eating a real meal all day. Just spoon fulls of this or that. I have a huge zit on my cheek and it hurts. I'm stressed that our house will be foreclosed upon next week before we can get a shortsale offer in. I feel trapped without a car. I'm not sure how we are going to move all our stuff cause we haven't arranged for a truck. Most of all I just want him home to help. To play with the kids. To hug. I miss him, and it's so hard to hear the kids ask when Daddy's coming home. And I'm tired.

Whew.

And then I say more that I don't mean. The minute I say it I wish I could shove the words back in my mouth and swallow then whole, never to be seen (or heard) again. I know where his buttons are and I've pushed them. He's mad and stalks off. I feel like a putz.

Soleil's tired. First she wants to say goodnight to her Daddy. He walks up to snuggle her while still in my arms. She gives him a huge kiss, then gives me a kiss. Then, she pushes Chris' and my heads together. There is still tension and anger. We hesitate. She pushes hard and we are forced to meet lips.

She kisses Dad, kisses Mom, and again shoves our stubborn heads together. This time we giggle. And kiss.
Again. Again. Repeat. Repeat.

Now we are laughing. And kissing. Soleil looks up at her parents. She smiles. She is satisfied that her work is done. The job is finished. She is now ready to hit the hay.

The anger and hateful words seem to melt far, far away.