xavier woke up feverish, sluggish, sick. he is now curled up on the couch with his blanket tucked around him like a nest. the kids are watching my little ponies, quite possibly the same movie i had watched many years ago.my belly is full of leftover pizza and the most deliriously delicious chocolate cake on earth. it feels good to feel full, but not stuffed. i am a little hazy, a combination of leftover sick and going to bed much too late. i finished a book today, unsure if i liked it until the last few pages. my tears dripping off my cheek.
i have been thinking over the idea of honest, open heart conversation as a form of prayer. i am trying to conduct life with an open heart, no matter how vulnerable it feels sometimes. having an open heart during seemingly difficult conversations, then offering it up to God.
something else on my mind: the freeing power of choice. taking responsibility for my own feelings. never blaming how i feel on another. it is all mine. i came to a personal revelation the other day about choice and felt the shackles of blame fall away. if only for a short time, those few moments felt like i wasn't touching the earth. freedom.
2 comments:
That is so simple but profound...I gotta remember that. I don't want to start blaming myself too much though because I blame myself too much as it is...I wish I could just not blame anyone and just accept that it was meant to happen for some reason. Yet I don't think that is the case with everything...okay I'm rambling. Good thoughts you had there though! :)
You're brilliant.
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