again

It's not just about the house. It's about starting over yet again.
It's about what the house represented.
My restless soul finally felt peace, felt at home. I wanted to stay a long, long time. This is saying a lot for me, I have never been able to stay in one place for too long.
I wanted to be the one who made the decision when it was time to move on.
This home was our jumping off point to our dreams. We finally made it to the point where we wanted to really settle and spread out our roots.
We were moving forward. Now, we are looking back. Back to renting (ugh.) Back to packing up our stuff for the 3rd time this year and unpacking it once again. Back to getting our bearings. Back to feeling like somewhere is our home. Back to the kids being uprooted and wondering when we are ever just going to stay for good.
And this is what breaks me up the most. The fact that my kids are paying the ultimate price for my mistakes.
I can already see the pain that this move will bring to them.
Xavier has been saying, but this is my house. Why are we leaving our house?
When we are cleaning the marker off the wall and paint off the carpet he cries out, but I liked that there.
We told our kids that this was our home now. No more moving for us, no sir. Just you all get comfortable. We aren't going anywhere.
Then like a tornado we break the news that we can't stay here, and their lives are in shambles, once again.
We are having to pick up all the pieces, once again.
Will they trust us next time around? Only time will tell. My heart is just aching for them.
Truthfully, if given the choice I would do it all over again. I have learned more about myself, my children, my husband, my values, and my relationship with money then I could have any other way. It just had to be this way.
I understand this. As human beings we all have our character challenges. I wouldn't want to live a life without the challenges, they only make the victories sweeter.
This house has been weighing on my mind and shoulders for way too long. It's heavy and I am ready to be free.
Closing this chapter of my life will be hard, but time will heal all my wounds. The sadness won't be so sad anymore, and I will have new challenges to look forward to.
I just need to pick myself up and keep on keeping on.